Going to Treatment When You're a Mother

Treatment Options That Keep Families Together

Outpatient Treatment (the most common option)

PHP, IOP, and OP allow you to live at home while engaged in substantial clinical care. Specific implications:

• PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) — 5-6 hours/day, 5 days/week. Compatible with school-age children if you have childcare during program hours. Most mothers in PHP keep children in their usual school, daycare, or with a family member during programming.
• IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) — 3 hours/day, 3-5 days/week. Many programs (including ATR's) offer morning, afternoon, or evening tracks. Often compatible with full-time work or full-time parenting with childcare for a few hours.
• OP (Outpatient Program) — individual and group therapy a few hours per week. Highly compatible with daily family life.

Outpatient treatment is the right level for many — perhaps most — women with substance use concerns, and being a mother often makes it more appropriate, not less.

When Higher Levels Are Needed

Some situations require detox or residential treatment that involves time away from children:

• Medical detox — typically 5-10 days. ATR doesn't provide in-house detox but coordinates with trusted partner facilities.
• Residential treatment — 28-90 days or longer. Significant time away. ATR refers to trusted partners when needed.

These are sometimes the right clinical decision. The temporary separation is hard for families but often results in a substantially more present mother long-term. The framing isn't "abandoning my children" — it's "getting the medical care needed so I can return to them well."

What to Tell Children, by Age

Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)

Keep it simple, concrete, and reassuring:

• "Mommy is going to see a doctor to help her feel better"
• Who will care for them while you're at the program
• When you'll be home (especially important if it's the same day for outpatient)
• That you love them and will see them at the end of the day (for outpatient) or the end of the week/month (for residential)
• Don't promise things you can't deliver about timing or what will be different

School-Age (Ages 6-11)

More information, still age-appropriate:

• "I have an illness called addiction (or anxiety/depression). I'm going to a place where they help people with these illnesses."
• Daily logistics — who's picking them up, who's making dinner, what changes
• That it's not their fault — children often blame themselves; explicit reassurance matters
• That they can ask questions any time, and you'll answer them honestly
• Reassurance about consistency — school, friends, activities continuing as normal
• Permission to be sad, angry, or worried — and someone to talk to about feelings (often a school counselor or therapist)

Adolescents (Ages 12-17)

Most adolescents have already noticed more than parents realize. Direct conversation works better than vague framing:

• Acknowledge what they've probably noticed about your behavior, mood, or use
• Name what you're going to treatment for, in language appropriate to their developmental stage
• Apologize for specific impacts they've experienced — without overpromising future change
• Be honest about whether you'll be physically present (outpatient) or away (residential)
• Discuss what changes they may notice in you — moods, energy, schedule
• Invite their questions — and answer them honestly
• Connect them with their own support — therapist, school counselor, trusted adult — separate from you
• Don't expect immediate gratitude or relief; their feelings are theirs

Adult Children (18+)

Adult children deserve full honesty about what you're doing and why:

• Direct conversation about the addiction and the treatment decision
• Acknowledgment of specific impacts on them, especially if they're currently affected
• Information about how to support you (and how not to)
• Recognition that they have their own work to do regardless of yours
• Connection to resources for adult children of parents with addiction (Adult Children of Alcoholics, family therapy, individual therapy)

Logistical Planning

Childcare and Daily Logistics

• Identify primary backup caregiver for program hours (other parent, family member, friend, paid childcare)
• Backup to the backup — what happens if primary care isn't available
• Detailed schedules written down so children know what to expect
• Transportation plans — who drives to school, activities, appointments
• Meal planning — keep nutrition reliable during transition
• Maintain routines — bedtime, school, activities, family rituals

Communication Plans

• Decide who will know what — close family vs school vs friends vs neighbors
• If older children attend therapy or have school counselors, let them know
• Coordinate with school — many schools have protocols for supporting children of parents in treatment
• Plan for how children can reach you in emergencies

Custody and Legal Considerations

• If custody arrangements exist, work with your co-parent in advance about treatment plans
• Treatment doesn't automatically affect custody — but informal coordination beats legal surprise
• If you're concerned about custody implications, consult a family lawyer before treatment, not after
• Document treatment compliance — it's protective in any future custody discussion

Emotional Support for Children

• Therapy for children, particularly older ones — not as punishment, as resource
• Support groups for children of parents with addiction (Alateen for adolescents)
• Trusted adult outside the immediate family they can talk to (school counselor, family friend, extended family member)
• Permission to feel what they feel, including anger or sadness toward you

The Conversation Children Often Need to Hear

Most children of parents with addiction carry questions they may not articulate. Naming them directly often helps:

• "This isn't your fault. Nothing you did caused my addiction, and nothing you do or don't do will fix it."
• "You don't have to take care of me. I'm getting help, and that's my job, not yours."
• "You can be angry with me. You can be sad. You can be relieved. All of those feelings are okay."
• "You're allowed to talk about this with your friends, your therapist, your teachers if you want. You don't have to keep it secret."
• "I love you regardless of how you respond to what I'm doing."
• "This isn't a one-time thing. I'm going to keep working on this for a long time."

What Helps Children Through the Transition

• Consistency in their daily lives — schools, activities, friends, routines
• A primary backup caregiver who is reliable and warm
• Their own support — therapist, school counselor, trusted family
• Honest information at their developmental level
• Permission to feel and express what they feel
• Continued connection with you in whatever form is possible — phone calls, visits, daily presence in outpatient settings
• Visible improvement over time in your stability, presence, and reliability

How Anchored Tides Supports Mothers Entering Treatment

• Three outpatient levels of care (PHP, IOP, OP) — most mothers can remain physically present for their children while engaged in significant clinical work
• Evening track options — for women whose daytime hours are needed for children
• Family programming — resources for partners, parents, and adult children navigating the woman's treatment
• Partner-referral for detox or residential when those higher levels are needed — coordination with trusted partners
• Trauma-informed therapy with EMDR — addressing the trauma that often shaped both the mother's addiction and her parenting patterns
• Mental Health track for women whose primary need is mental health, often coexisting with the parenting work
• Coordination with family therapists for the relational work that benefits from outside structure
• Alumni community — sustained connection with other mothers in long-term recovery
• In-network with HMOs, EPOs, and PPOs across Blue Shield, BCBS, Anthem, Highmark, Regence, Premera, Multiplan, and Horizon

Take the Next Step

If you're considering treatment and the children-question has been part of what's been holding you back, a confidential conversation can help you map out what's actually feasible for your specific situation. The options are usually more workable than they appear.

Call (866) 329-6639 or Verify Your Insurance — confidential, no obligation.